Instagram, Twitter, Facebook that was me every single day.
Instagram I followed people who inspired me and fashion bloggers, some beauty and food here and there, house decor too interior design type of situation. I also followed baby accounts if they were posting cute stuff, they are so adorable. I started to feel like my time wasn’t coming, when will I be able to afford all those nice things. I’m also human. I deactivated it.
Twitter was basically my escape place. All my suicidal notes were packed in my likes folder because I assumed no one ever checks other people’s likes, so everytime I went online I’d read my likes and and search for other suicidal quotes to like and people who were tweeting sad tweets. My crew on twitter was the depressed. I felt better following such accounts because I felt like someone relates. I noticed this is toxic actually, 4 years later I deactivated.
Facebook, stalking childhood friends and family. People I haven’t seen in a long time to see how successful they’ve become and I’ve accomplished nothing. Facebook depressed me. I deactivated it.
I used to think social media won’t influence me, I told my self I got this I can handle everyone’s success and if anything I’m very happy for them. I genuinely am happy for them.
But I started questioning my time. When will it be my time to bloom? when will I reach my break through? Why am I not popping?
After my social media deactivation I became bored because what now? What do I do with all this free time?
I searched for ways to start a blog, discovered WordPress, started reading books and watched inspirational videos on YouTube. I found awesome people on YouTube, and learnt so much in a space of a month, started journaling too.
Look if anyone knows me they know that me, books, writing and all that academia works we don’t mix.
But I’ve been enjoying reading, if I don’t understand a word I search for it, see how else it can be incorporated in a sentence, I’ve finished reading ten books I have 15 books waiting for me on my shelf. And more to discover…
It was the way I was learning that demotivated me, made me believe I’m stupid and can never be smart. I know I’m smart but I needed proper knowledge in order to make valid points and arguments. My knowledge has expanded in this past month and I’m looking forward to learning more everyday.
I learnt to be present in my life now, accept my situation and work on making it better instead of avoiding it by going on social media whenever I’m faced with a problem.