This was the most confusing year, I barely remember what happened during the first half of the year because I wasn’t myself. I remember waking up everyday and wanting to die, finding less painful ways to die was my life. Dying was my top priority during the first half of the year.
Six months later I booked myself into a wellness clinic because my last day on earth seemed close, way too close. I could see that mentally I’m no longer here it’s just my body that’s still functioning, barely even.
Before I booked myself I spent the whole day sleeping only woke up to bath cook and clean. I was less social and stopped being in contact, basically cut everyone off so they don’t get hurt, should I die.
Since I’d never been to a psychologist before, my plan was to try therapy and if it doesn’t work then on the 30th of November I’m calling it quits. Well it worked because I’m still here on the 31st of December.
It was a big adjustment for me and my family. Changing routines, making life more bearable for me, staying home to heal and finding myself. It was both challenging and rewarding. I enjoyed working on myself but I felt like I wasn’t achieving anything since I just stayed at home and all.
I started a blog as something to keep me busy and let me just say I was happy to find out that I’m not the only one. I was also open on twitter and I actually found out that actually almost half of the world is going or has been in the same boat as I was. What a relief!
Material wise I did not achieve anything but I found myself, I discovered my hidden talents, found out what truly makes me happy and pursued it. I’m grateful for this year because all that I learnt I can cross over to the next year. I don’t have a New year’s resolution but I have the keys to help me make my dreams come true. I don’t know what 2020 holds for me, I’m excited and nervous at the same time, but I’m glad I’m not the same person anymore.
Well wishes for the new year, thank you for my followers you make me believe that it’s possible if I just put work and my heart to it. β€οΈ
Happy New Year πππβ€οΈ